I can't see why people don't see that body art is alive and well these days. What am I missing that means that it is only viable in the past somehow? What gives?
Grumpy. Tracey Emin says when you are depressed you only see sad things. She is right. I may not see happy things ever again but I am not going to stop producing work. In fact this is why I will continue to produce work.
Why are the big kahuna's and art bobo's not interested in my stuff and my existence? I am just not stupid, I refuse to believe that. And it is true that that might be the problem. I can think for myself. At least I think I can. Not convinced about my own work, but am not convinced about anything. Chronically depressed since my 29th year...And writing about myself, I know I am doing it and maybe I am stupid I don't seem to care I just cultivate this particular life force. And seeing sad things has merit too Tracey. She pretty much snubbed me when I was in London last week, and she's so much more famous and rich than I will ever be, and that is hard to bear. I don't know why I feel entitled too...Jemima Stehli probably doesn't want any more contact with me, and what is up with Lisa today and why do I think that she should be there at my beck and call or what is this I am not sure, just determined that I have to keep doing my work. The narrative will always be broken with me. Not seamless.
Weird mix of stuff today, and the reason this is important to write is because I am scared and scared of what I don't even really know. I just realized if Jemima were to write now it would make me so happy. I am so obsessive about certain approaches to art and the body and erotics that I lap up anything that comes my way or that I put myself in the position of lapping. Judith is probably not going to write back to me either, I guess I will not even name her last name, for fear of being shamed later. A video artist from London. Oh London London London. What has become of me? I do this to avoid cutting my wrists, please excuse me. Alexander McQueen.
What a great time in London though, very exciting and glamorous somehow, but is it giving me what I want and think I need? Just painting along here and doing homages to women artists. I am a woman too.
